Break Only In Emergency

This is for future me to remember where you are, where you’re going, but most importantly where you’ve been:

Right now, right here, at this very moment, life is not easy. You feel like your job is trapping you in and your family is holding you back and your friends are pushing you away and a lot a lot a lot of other bullshit is keeping you down. Worse yet, you have the terrible feeling deep in your deepest of hearts that all of this is your fault and nobody else is to blame so if you just tried a little bit harder, you could fix it all in an instant.

But even more worser yet, you know that’s not completely true. Because if it was, then you’d just snap your fingers, do a little dance, and maybe wrap everything in a nice little bow so you can be happy forever and never have to worry about anything else for the rest of your life.

Which isn’t what you’re doing right now, so instead for the last three weeks, all you’ve been able to do is be sad, bitter, and depressed with your entire body bracing for impact as you do everything you can to prepare for a brick wall that you’re running full speed into even though you know full well that it’s there. Or maybe you just hope that it’s there because at least that means there’s an end to all this.

Breathing is hard. Crying is easy. And loving yourself, others, and life itself seems impossible right now. 

Last week, a bus drove past you with its door open and you thought about taking it to wherever faraway place it could take you. Two weeks ago, you took a walk at lunch and considered walking away forever and never coming back. Yesterday, a thought popped in your head that’s been popping in your head more often that you’d like it to: if my life was taken away from me right here, maybe that’s the best way out of all this right now.

That’s not a thought you like having. That’s not a thought anybody likes having. But you can’t help having it right now, just like countless others can’t help having it every day.

So what are we supposed to do?

i guess Just Keep Living Probably cuz the opposite will never be as fun :-)